Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
a search helicopter?!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
