If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
