I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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