i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
