How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
