Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
