Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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