I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
