my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
