I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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