I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
