The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
