I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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