did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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