I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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