how do flat chested girls get laid?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
