I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
