while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just gift wrapped bread.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
