Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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