R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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