Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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