i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
