Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
