Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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