The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
