I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
