he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He felt like a one man threesome
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize