I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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