Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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