My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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