i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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