i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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