The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
