you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
