Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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