Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
