That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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