Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
