Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
