ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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