I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
