my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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