No stitches, just platelets and will power
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
