I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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