i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
