I am full of burrito and curiosity
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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