you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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