is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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