but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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