I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
