I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
