What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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