It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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