Need sex. Gaining weight.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize