my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
