apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
