I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
