No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
