I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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