i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
now i know why i became what i already was.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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