the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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