i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
