You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
