I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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